kamanaa

My work takes me around Maldives a lot and I have to travel to the islands quite often. In almost every visit I come across some social issue which I tend intervene hoping to bring about a change in someone’s life. But this time it changed my life too…..

My work took me to B island (do not want to mention the name) last week. After dinner on the second night I and 2 of my colleagues were walking down the road when we heard a baby crying. One of them said that the baby was crying when we passed the house about half an hour earlier. Nobody wanted to check on the baby because the baby is born out of wedlock and the mother has had 8 children out of wedlock. I couldn’t wait anymore and knocked on the door. There was no answer. I opened the door and found a little baby (4months) crying on a mattress. There was another boy sleeping peacefully. As soon as I took the baby he stopped crying.

When the baby’s mother came she was quite angry to find that people have gathered outside her house. But as soon as she saw me she lowered her voice and talked to me very nicely and said that she went to friends place and she doesn’t know why people want to make such a big issue out of this and she thanked me. I explained to her that anything could happen to the child and that was the reason why I didn’t want to leave the baby alone.

She is woman living alone in shattered house; I would rather say a small room. She has gone through a lot in her life. At a young age of 33 she has 9 children, (only 2 of the kids are with her now) and no one to support her. The islanders hate her and make her life really impossible. Her 10year old son is teased and bullied. Most days he goes without food and he steals from trees where he gets more punishment from the island community. Recently he was tied to a tree in the woods. Mariyam (not real name) told me that she wants to turn a new leaf and she is really trying, but some people in the community are making her life impossible on the island. She has been proposed by three different people from other islands and on every occasion people from this island intervenes and stops her marriage. Probably the men of this island aren’t happy that she might leave the island…..

 She is very concerned about the boy. People ask him dirty questions about his mother. Is this what our society is all about? Why do we punish a little boy for what his mother has done? Do they want him to grow up to be another person who hates life? Why are they punishing him?

Everyday this little boy would cry hoping to leave this island. He wants to go somewhere else. He wants to study and he loves school. He gets good grades. He doesn’t have nice clothes, he doesn’t remember playing with toys, he doesn’t have proper meals, but he is intelligent and brilliant. (I met a school staff who told me about him)

This little boy looks so innocent. I met him again on the beach the next day and sat down with him. I could not look into his eyes because I could not bare to see the sadness in his watery eyes when I spoke to him. His skin was dry and cracked from continues exposure to sun. He was dirty, but there was something that took me towards him.

I saw him smile only once and that was when we asked him to smile for a photo. It was so hard for him to smile

I want to help him and I will. Something in this little boy is taking me towards him. I have called his mother twice since I came to Male’ yesterday. Probably God has given me the son………. Someone told me today that God has his way…..

I spend the most beautiful three days on this island and it gave me a very sweet and a sour experience.

Last night while browsing the internet I came across a website where I found the video of Marhoom Sameer who was stabbed to death on a road of Male’ during broad day light. I was so shocked to see the video. (I wonder why they wanted to upload it in the first place) not because of the way it was done…But, how could someone stand there for 28seconds taking a video while he is struggling for his last breath. I know he was unconscious, but how could any human being do that to another. It might be that people around him where minding their own business by not touching him until someone who has a heart come up and started shouting. This is just one case.

How many of us hear a child crying nonstop from the house next door and is even bothered to go and check on that child? How many of us hear screams and crying of women? How many of us has come across fighting on the roads of Male’ and even bothered to try and stop it? How many of us are aware that a child or a woman is being abused, but do something about it. I know in some of these cases we are concerned of our own security, but is that why we walk away or just become another onlooker. (A colleague of mine who has done psychology told me that it is called the Bystander Effect)

But do we mind our own business when it comes to gossiping? We want to know who the neighbor’s daughter or son is getting married to. We want to know who and who are getting married or divorced. We want to know who and who are having an affair. We want to know who and who are dating or sleeping around.

Let me share an incident I came across. It was during May this year at the artificial beach and there was a children’s evening. I was there with my kids my colleagues and friends. I was near the stage watching the show when I saw a woman with a little girl trying to get up from the ground and there was a man nearby pushing her. She managed to get up and the man pushed her again. There were lots of people around. I couldn’t wait. I went in between and told them that there are lots of children around and they are creating a very ugly scene. But the man was really angry and the woman started telling me what happened. I told her that I don’t need to hear the story and I don’t want to know who is to blame, but I want them to stop it right now. The little girl who was around 3 or 4 was holding the woman really tightly. The man tried to push her again. I asked her to give me the child but the child did not let go of her mother so I could not take her. Again I tried to stop the man. I told him that this is not the environment for them to fight and god knows what else I said. At least I was able to send the man away from her.

When I came back every one asked me whether I knew them. I said no. Surprisingly they asked me if I was mad. What if the man did something to you? I told them I don’t know but at that moment I wanted to help her and the little girl.

Even after I came home I kept on thinking about them. What if he hurt her again? What if she is helpless? What might be going through that little girl’s mind?

What I did might be something very stupid…I don’t know…But all I know is there are lots of incident where we can intervene and bring a change to someone’s life. It might be a mother, a woman, a teenager, a child or a man. We need to know when to mind our own business. How can we live being I, me and myself?  If we want a better tomorrow why don’t we start thinking of “we” and “Us”.

In my recent visit to SriLanka I had to stay in this hotel for 3 nights since I could not get rooms in any other hotel within budget. Since this hotel is very popular among the Maldivians I thought that it should be really good.

We arrived quite late in the night and the kids were very hungry. We ordered food and went down to the restaurant after half an hour when they told us the food was ready. We had to stay another 15minutes for a plate of fried rice. On the table next to us plates were lying around un attended.

Our food was served but it was not worth all the wait. It was really bad. The rice was not done properly and I can barely see any chicken in it. We booked a single and a double room but both rooms had twin beds and they chrage the two rooms differently, saying that one is a double room. One of the toilet was so small that I had to squeeze my self in to close the door.

When I came down in the lift the next morning I saw that poeple have scribled on the lift walls in Dhivehi language nothing other than slangs. I felt sad, and just couldn’t understand why any one should do that. Some one has even tried to remove it by drawing lines over it but still the words were visible enough.

 The lobby was full of Maldivians. Some were lyig down on the sofa as if it was their own sitting room. Probably they are too familiar with this hotel. But I found it very inappropriate. For the first time I took a good look around the hotel and found that they have a clock on the wall with the Maldivian timing as well, and they even have a Maldivian flag outside the hotel.

During the 3 days I spent in this hotel I saw only 2 foreigners. It was all Maldivians. But I just couldn’t undersatnd why Maldivians like this hotel. I couldn’t find any thing posetive about this hotel. Probably I’m wrong. But this was my experience and I don’t think I would ever stay there again.

Ramazan is a month where women spent more time in the kitchen than any other month of the year. Even if you are working woman or a house wife there is no difference. In some families women enter the kitchen as early as 11 in the morning taking breaks to pray. It all depends on the size of the family. They work non stop till they go to bed at night. Once you break the fast than it’s the cleaning up, washing the dishes,(please…why can’t the men atleast help in clearing the table)  cleaning the floor and so on… Again the same plates come on the table for tharavees. After that preparing the haaru. And in between feeding the kids and putting them to bed. By the time you finish doing all this you are so exhausted that you see the bed and nothing else. You might have planned to stay up to watch that new drama on TVM, or any other TV show. But you don’t have the strength. You have to get up again, in the early hours of the morning to feed “haaru” for the family. If you over sleep than the family goes without the ‘haaru’ and everyone else would blame you for not calling them.

So where is the men folk? What is there responsibility? I will tell you! They would call you from work and ask you what you need for the kitchen. When they come home from work they would bring in the stuff, (if you are lucky everything you told them to bring) dump it on the kitchen table and leave. That’s it. Some people go out again, while others would sleep, or else stay glued in front of the TV or start browsing the net.

You ask for their help, and the excuse would be “I’m tired”. One thing men needs to understand is that women also works just as hard as they do through out the course of the day, and so being tired is not an excuse as to why you can not help out. Why can’t the men at least look after the kids while the women work in the kitchen?

A friend of mine lives alone with the husband. She told me recently that Ramazan is the most boring month. I was so surprised. I told her that I thought that it would be the most relaxing month since she does not have to do much of cooking since it’s only two of them. But she

said “My husband would come home from work and sleep, if he does not sleep he would be glued to the TV. While I do all the work”

I know some women who do not like to eat late night. So they eat their “Haaru” before going to bed. But even if they do not want to get up, they have no choice. ‘Haaru’ is prepared and it’s just a matter of putting the food on the plate and eating it. But men would need the women to put the food on their plate. It’s very rare that men would wash the dish after eating, or even put the dish in the sink.

Remember if everyone pitches in and helps out the work will get done twice as fast. and everyone will heave more time to relax. All you have to do is get out of that male ego and think about these things, and look at these things in a different perspective.

I visited a friend of mine who had a baby recently.  As soon as I saw the baby, she said “ please don’t say that he is too small for his age”. I was so shocked. I asked her why would I say that, and she told me “that’s what I have been hearing for the past two months”.

This is a very common problem quite a lot of us face. It’s so annoying when people say that the child is too small, or too thin or ask whether if the parent is feeding the child well.  When I had my first child she was quite tiny, but healthy. Believe me. Almost every single person who visited me mentioned that. One neighbor even told my mother in-law that she thinks that I don’t have sufficient milk for the baby. Who knows better! Me, or that nosy neighbor. 

 When  we visit a newborn baby at the hospital, the very first remark we often tend to make is “haadha kudaey”, or “haadha dhoney” and if the child has dark skin than the child would not fit the “loabi” category. We sometimes forget to ask the mother how she is doing or how the baby is doing. We get carried away in checking who the baby resembles. And sometimes we get so carried away we don’t realize that we are hurting the feelings of the parents.

Even at the age of 2 my daughter was actually small compared to other children her age. But she was healthy and active. I think that’s all that matters. But for the onlookers she should be plump, otherwise she is not considered as healthy. Why do we want children to be chubby when they are babies? Once they reach 6 or 7 most parents would be worried because the child is overweight and would try putting them on diets.  

Another annoying thing is when people comment on how you look when you are pregnant.  As soon as we see some one whom we know and is pregnant, we ask her how may months pregnant she is?  Immediate comments would follow…” haadha bandu kudaey”, “haadha bodey, yageentha twins eh noonkan”, “haadha falaey”, “haadha hiykey, mihaaru dhemeehunah vaavarah kaanvaane” blah blah….

What do you ask first when you meet an old friend whom you haven’t   seen for a long time? “Ey haadha nufeneyey, mihaaru haadha fala vehjeyey”“Haadha hikifa, konkamakaa hithaama kuranee” and it would go on…..

“People, by their nature, are opinionated and will always be ready to impart their unwarranted views, often in the most tactless manner. If you are dumbfounded by any comments your receive, the simplest response is, “That’s my choice. It’s what I / we want. It doesn’t adversely affect your life does it?””

I know we can’t change these things in our society overnight. But even if one of you think about it, and try to bring about a positive change by talking about this, than I would be more than happy.

You are often a victim of workplace harassment, gender, age or disability discrimination or some other form of discrimination, unlawful employment termination and other work related illegal practices. As you are ignorant or because you don’t want to lose the job you keep quite most of the time. Just like child abuse and Violence against women this is another alien topic to most of you. Most of you would say….”NO not in the Maldives”…..How sure are you? About 2 or 3 years back we were saying the same thing to child abuse. But would we say that now? Now we say that 1 out of every 5 women has been a target of some form of abuse.

 If I ask you whether you have been harassed at the work place, probably most of you would say NO! But try answering these questions.

Have your boss or a colleague ever made sexual gestures at you?

How many of you have been slapped on the ass?

How many of you have been passed awful comments or sexual comments at?

Do you feel uncomfortable around a certain person at work?

Have you ever been insulted or humiliated at work?

Have you ever been called names at?Have your colleagues ganged up against you?

Have you ever felt unwelcome at work?

These are just a few questions that came to my mind and some that I got from my quick research on the net. If you answered “yes” to any one of these question than the answer is yes! You are being harassed, whether you believe it or not, whether you are aware of it or not, or whether you deny it or not.

You might try to explain harassment or bullying in logical term. But please don’t, because it is neither logical nor decent. You might even start blaming your self, thinking that it might be something that you have done wrong. Don’t take harassment as a personality issue or a personality clash. This is depriving you of your rights and dignity. You have every right to be treated with dignity and respect at all times. Whether you believe it or not, you are entitled to happiness at work. So it’s time to stop this silent epidemic at the workplace.