kamanaa

My 14year old daughter has always been very quite and she rarely express her feelings to me and I find it very difficult sometimes. But today she gave me a letter when I came home from work.

Dear Mommy.

I know I havn’t been the best daughter a mother could ask for, but you on the otherhand have been the best mother a girl could ask for. I know I don’t say this often, and it is not the easiest thing for me either. But a quick hug and an “I love you” is all I have to show how much I love you and sometimes I wonder whether it is enough. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. You know why? Because I have you. A lot of my friends would wish to have a mother like you. ButI can proudly say that you are one of a kind. You may not know this, but like every other little kid, when I grew up I wanna be just like my mommy.

I am really sorry for all the trouble I have caused you. Never meant to. But I always ended up in a mess. And even if I did mess up I never cared cause I knew you would forgive me. You always ask me whether I miss you when you are away. The truth is I do but never liked to admit it. These things cannot be described in words but this is the only way for me to say it.

Love

Nau

Nau…Today is one of the happiest days in my life…I never expected something like this from you… You have hardly expressed your feelings to me and this is more than enough… All I want to say is don’t try to be like me…Try to be better than me…I love you..

Park Plaza Orchid.Tel-Aviv

When we got the opportunity to attend a Disaster Mitigation workshop in Israel I was really excited and looking forward to it. Since Maldivians require a visa to enter Israel we had to get it through the Israeli Embassy in New-Delhi and luckily a Maldivian Embassy is there too. As soon as we got all the relevant documents we mailed it to New-Delhi on the 17^th and the Delhi Embassy was able to submit the documents on the 22^nd. Since we were leaving on the 31^st and with the Christmas and New-year holidays coming in between the Maldivian Embassy had to push the Israeli authorities so that they could send it through someone who is coming to Male’ on the 27^th.

I received the passports on the 27^th afternoon and as soon as I opened the visa page I found Shidhatha’s picture on my passport with my name and Vice-versa. I was shocked. I just can’t imagine how some-one could afford to make such a mistake. I immediately called the Maldivian Embassy and Rishfa was sad that she didn’t check it thoroughly. She told me she would check what could be done. I told her to ask them if it could be arranged through Israeli consulate in Mumbai since we would be staying in Mumbai for a day. But later we realized that it would be the 1^st Jan which is a holiday. But I told her that we could arrange to leave early if it is possible. She called back and told me that the Israeli Authorities said that it would not be possible to arrange through Mumbai and the only option is for us to send the passports or for us to go to Delhi. Since it was 27^th it’s impossible to send the passports back and forth, and the only option is for us to go to Delhi. I called the airline the following morning and we were able to get a ticket via Delhi.

We left Male’ on the 30^th morning to Colombo and we spent about 4 hours at the Colombo airport on transit and boarded our Delhi flight around 3pm. As I came out of the immigration I saw a girl near the immigration counter and I had a feeling that it was Rishfa from the Maldivian Embassy and something is not right since she said that she would meet us the following morning. As soon as we met her she introduced herself and said that there is a huge problem and the Israeli Authorities called her after we left Male’ and said that they are moving office today and with the systems down they cannot issue a Visa.  Unbelievably they are asking us to go to Mumbai. Both of us were tired from travelling from morning and this was what we least expected.

We had no idea that while we were in Colombo Airport planning our New-year in Delhi Rishfa was in Delhi trying to contact us.

Rishfa has already checked the available flights for us to go to Mumbai and she mentioned that there are 2 flights the same night at 8.30 and 9.30 and another flight at 9am the next morning. We thought that it would be better to catch the night flight since if we wait till the next morning we might not be able to reach the consular office on time. We took our luggage and started our journey for the domestic terminal. By the time we reached the Spice jet counter it was almost 8pm.  We were able to get a ticket for Mumbai.

We thanked Rishfa for everything and checked in.

By the time we reached Mumbai it was after 11.30. I found a tourism counter and asked them for a room and we were able to get a good hotel not far from the airport. Since Rishfa did not give us the address of the Israeli Consular office in Mumbai we got the address from the guys who got us the hotel.

The following morning after breakfast we started calling the Consular office number but there was no reply. But rather waiting we thought that we would follow the address we got from the Airport. After about half an hour a woman picked up the phone and when I asked about the address she asked me what it is for I had to explain from the beginning and then only she gave me the address and it is another place. Luckily we were on the right track.

Once we reached the building the security guard asked us to wait in line and somebody would come. There was an Indian guy in the front and I asked him what is this line for and he said “to go inside”.

We waited outside on the road for more than 20 minutes when someone came and send the Indian guy inside and then asked us what we are here for. When we started he said “so you are sent from Delhi, we know your case” and then told us to wait. Another guy came later checked our passports and our bags inside out. He then talked on the talkie and told us to go inside. Inside the lobby the guy we met earlier was their. He asked the same question again, and asked us if we are carrying any weapons. He checked our bags took out my camera switched it on. I told him if he wants he can keep it till we finish. But then he gave it back. He then talked on his talkie and said that he has checked the two ladies and everything seems to be fine and then we were sent upstairs.

Once upstairs we waited in front of the Consular office among security guards. Shidh was called in first. I can see two Israeli guys in a uniform. They started questioning Shidh and I saw her moving back and forth through the security gate. Once they sent her into the office they called me. When I went inside they asked why I am here for. As soon as I started one of the guys said that now we know the story and we want to do a security check. He asked me to keep the bag and remove whatever is in my pockets. He asked me to walk back and forth the security gate. I felt like a puppet. I became a bit tense and he said the gate won’t bite.

He asked me whether I am carrying any weapons or Knives or any thing that could harm soneone, what religion and when I said Muslim he asked me about Shidh. He asked about Maldives our organization and in the end one of them asked me if this is my first visit to Israel and when I said yes he told me that I would enjoy it. I told him “I hope so” and he said you surely would.

Once inside the office Shidh told me that they asked her to remove the veil and when she told not in front of them, but if they bring a woman she is ready to do it, they said ok and asked her to remove whatever is under the veil.

Everything went very smoothly in the office and the Indian lady was very nice. She told us to check the visa’s before leaving.

By the time we finished our bladders were so full that we needed a toilet badly, but we didn’t want to ask them in case it might give them a wrong impression. Who knows they might think that we are assembling our bombs inside the toilet. The funny thing is nobody checked our body. I do understand why they were so concerned, we being Muslims and with the latest terrorist attacks in Mumbai where lots of Jews were killed, and the Israelis recent attacks to Gaza, they might think we are two Muslim ladies planning a suicide attack.

The hectic day ended with a visit to the heavily guarded Taj Mahal hotel. The palace area is still closed for renovation, so we could not see that part. But we had ice cream and waffle not to mention the heavy bill we got. Later to end the day we took a cab and drove around Mumbai Bollywood city where we got to see Shahrukh, Salman , Rekha and John Abraham’s house.

Tonight we are leaving to Israel and God knows what is in store for us there.

I am bored…

I dunno what to do..Even when there are 10’s of things that I have to do…

I feel sad….But I cannot cry

Even though I wanted to cry from the top of my voice…

What’s happening to me…

I dunno…All I know is that I want you by my side…

Right here…right now..

I know it’s stupid and it’s not possible..

I look out the window..

I see the moon…

But it soon go and hide behind the clouds…

I watched a movie…it was sooo romantic…and sad…

I shoudn’t have watched it…it didn’t help

Does this ever happen to anyone of you…when you don’t know what’s wrong….

but you still know  something’s wrong…

I better try and sleep….

I might feel better tomorrow…..

Did you ever feel that something is missing in your life?

Did you ever felt emptiness inside you?

Do you feel lonely?

Are you searching for your missing piece?

At some point in our life we have had these feelings. And we have been searching for that missing piece in our life. We meet someone and we might think that it’s our missing piece but after sometime we realize that it’s not our missing piece, we start searching again. But sometimes all our hard work end up in vain and we feel frustrated. Unhappy and lonely….Most of the time it’s difficult to figure out what is the missing piece…Is it a person…Is it something we want to do…Is it a good job…a good house…Or WHAT?…

Probably the missing piece is inside us and we just have to find it..How can someone else fill us up….Unless we are happy and content with our life what can someone else do…We have to be whole from within..No one else can be the missing piece.

Have you ever felt the urge of having sex when you are around someone? When you feel that it is love, are you sure it is love? Or might it be lust?

Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another. …
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infatuation

 “When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless it ends in some type of sexual encounter.”

Infatuation can almost be equal to Lust. It is neither Love nor lust. But both relations quite often start with infatuation. An infatuation is a driving force that makes people break up and realize big changes in their life. An infatuation could be the beginning of a life-long relationship, but it can also be a temporary crush.

Skin the color of cinnamon
His eyes light up and I melt within
Feels so good it must be a sin
I can’t stop what I started

I’m giving in

He brings life to my fantasies
Sparks a passion inside of me
Finds the words when I cannot speak
In the silence, his heartbeat is music to me

Christina Aguilera- Infatuation

 To write this article I googled around and above are extracts from articles I found interesting.

So let me share what I feel or what I think infatuation is….

 Infatuation is just a feeling. While real love involves devotion and commitments while mostly infatuation revolves around sex. The moment we meet the person we are involved in the only thing that goes through our mind is sex. Infatuation can be defined as a strong overpowering desire towards someone. Infatuation sometimes occurs at the beginning of a relationship where sexual desire is given the most importance. During infatuation we expect the same feeling in return. I think love is an emotion while infatuation is a feeling…

I think about you always…

You are the only person on my mind….

Every waking moment I think about you…

I think of all the good times we have had…

Whenever I see you the only thing I imagine is you….

Lying here right next to me…

It feels so good…

To be with you..now and always…

When I think of all the good times we have had…..

I don’t want this to end….

I want to explore the colours of life…

RED has already become a part of it…

Is this love, Lust or Infatuation…

I don’t know…

Whatever it is…

I am enjoying it…

  Dear Nau.

I can’t believe that you are 14 today. Yes I still remember the little baby, the little kid who couldn’t stop her mouth for a single minute, who had so much to talk. Who was full of joy, the tiny little girl who ran around non stop from one place to another.

I was only 21 when I found about you and very naïve. It was not like today, where we go on the internet and search about tips on pregnancy. But I did borrow a book from a friend so that I could get more information. I still remember how surprised I was when I found out that at the beginning you were the size of a peanut.

While other expecting mothers had morning sickness I had evening sickness. Once you were big enough to kick you did give me a hard time. You were doing somersaults inside me. But I was enjoying every moment of it.

You started bothering me on the morning of September 19^th and after a long time you came into this world on the 20^th of September 3.01am. When the nurse put you in my arms I couldn’t believe that you were so small but was giving such a hard time all these months. You didn’t cry at first and they had to shake you until you cried. The sound of your cry filled my heart. I was crying and laughing.

Time has passed and our lives have changed. Even you have changed. You are not that tiny little girl who ran around. You have become a couch potato who cannot leave the TV remote. Sometimes you have a lot to talk about and than you can barely say a word. It all depends on your mood. We do have our little fights just like any mother and daughter. But we forget about it soon. I love it when you do my hair, when you select my wardrobe and do my make up when I go out. I really love and appreciate your honesty.

I have hopes and dreams for you just like any other mother. But it all depends on you. However I would try to convince you, but so far I have not been very successful in doing that…

Before signing off I would like to tell you a couple of things.

If you say I love you to someone please mean it. Never lie about it.

Live your life as if it is the last day, cause someday it would be.

If you make mistake have the courage to admit it, It doesn’t matter if you are forgiven or not, what matters most is that you took the responsibility.

Believe in your self and in your dreams.

Never forget that I love you, I always have and always will.

Love

Mom

Do you remember how it was when you were dating each other? How many times does he says ‘I love you”, how many times does he kiss you or hug you…Probably every time you see each other…..You could barely keep your hands off each other!…You have so much to talk that you spend hours together, even after saying bye you continue your conversation on the phone…until the wee hours in the morning. You are neither tired nor sleepy…but you love to hear the voice on the other end…But this is when you are dating. When you’re trying to win her heart. What happens when you become successful? You go on your knees and propose to her in the most romantic setting, and she says yes.

But once you get married everything changes. You take each other for granted. He knows that she would be there waiting for him when he comes home. You barely notice her when you see her. It’s the same two people who could not keep their hands off each other. What could have possibly gown wrong that you do not touch your partner the way you used. How many hours/days pass by with out you touching each other in spite of sharing the same bed?

You spend hours together but you do not have much to say…but you used to talk for hours and hours…

After marriage things settle into a routine. It’s the same routine everyday. Unless both partners are careful this could lead to one of you to cheat on another in search of some excitement in life. The excitement you miss in your married life. The excitement you had when you were dating.

Never stop saying that you love each other. Once I read about an old couple who have been married for 70 years and are still together. The husband mentioned that during the past 70 years every night before sleeping the last thing he tells his wife is, I love you. He said “Even if I die in my sleep my wife would know that I loved her till the last day”.

Actually the romance never dies. It’s just that we get accustomed to each other we get comfortable and into a routine. So if you complain that the romance has died in your marriage than one of you has to take the initiative. Take a look at your self and think what you have been doing wrong. Start today to rekindle that romance. Write on a piece of paper or tell your partner “I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, Let’s work this out together”

“.

I have been in love with a man for almost 10years and both of us  have a pretty good relationship but the one thing I find difficult is that he won’t tell me he loves me. He says he has a hard time saying it and it is just words, and that I should know he loves me without him needing to verbalize it. While I do know he loves me, I still feel the need to hear it, and it hurts that he can’t say it, even when it means so much to me. Am I making a big deal out of nothing or do I have the right to want him to say that he loves me?”

This is a very common complain we hear often from women. “I love You”. Why are these three words so important for women?.

Some people might say it, just for the sake of saying it, and others might mean every single word they are saying. Yet every woman wants to hear it from her man.

We all know that “action speaks louder than words”. A man might be very loving and caring, and shows affection but might never say these three words. Does that mean he does not love you? We still need to hear those words So the question here is why is it so difficult for men to say these three words?

If he doesn’t say those words we might wonder what’s going on in his head. Most of the time men are hard to read. Most men are not as verbal as women. For most women it is very easy to say these words, but for most men………….sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I came across this while I was googling around and would like to share this with you all.

http://shariavsinalienablerights.blogspot.com

Mahmoud Al-Masri: Matters of the heart. If the wife asks her husband: “Do you love me, Abu Muhammad?” He should say: “Of course I love you, honey. How could anyone not love you?” He might not love her at all, but when he says: “I love you,” she feels happy and stable, and feels that this is still her home, and that these are still her children and her husband. Right? But if he were to say to her: “The Prophet has forbidden lying, so I cannot tell a lie – I hate you, I want to kill you, and get rid of you…” Can they possibly continue to live together after this? No. That’s why the Prophet Muhammad said: “You are allowed to lie to your wife, but only about matters of the heart.” He is not allowed to lie to her about money, or about his comings and goings, and so on. No – only about matters of the heart.”

But do we want someone to lie to us just because it would give us a peace of mind. So that we would melt down, So that we would be in the cloud nine…..No..

So from now on I would not complain even if my man does not say “I love you”…

well ….. When everyone says it, why say it and make this relationship common. We will not say it, and make this unique….

From now on I would say “don’t say you love me…show me that you love me”

Recently I was watching the Oprah show and there was this MTV presenter Suchin Pak explaining how she longed for a crease in her eyes. “I don’t have a crease in my eye. My whole life, all I ever wanted was this stupid centimeter of a freaking fold in my eye.” (http://www.oprah.com/presents/2007/girl/stories/ashamed_110.jhtml)

Well we don’t need a crease in our eyes, but there are other things we long for. If we have straight hair we long for curly hair, if it is curly we want it straightened. We perm, put extensions, dye, bleach it or wear wig. Some times your friends would envy your curls or your straight hair. But funny you don’t like it.

Most of us have insecurities about the way we look. We always envy someone else.  We always urge for things we don’t have… why? I don’t have an answer for that? When we look at our self in the mirror we always search for that pimple, or the black head or that wrinkle no one else see.  How about we look in to the mirror, give a smile and say I look great! I don’t need any make up to hide! I am me just the way I am.

We always look into our lives and we search for what we don’t have instead of what we have. As humans that is our biggest problem.  We search every where, but we don’t see what is right in front of our face. Even when we think of couples it’s probably the same in most relationships. It might be the reason why men and women cheat on their spouse. They are continuously searching for the right person, because they are not satisfied with the person whom they are with at the moment.

 I am blessed with the most wonderful daughters.  I am blessed with a good job. I am blessed with good friends. I am blessed with a wonderful loving man whom I want to spend my every living moment with. Am I satisfied with what I have ?  I wonder if we teach our kids to be satisfied by the small things in life we could make a change.

“Cherish that. Nurture that. And believe in yourself. You’re the only who can do this so do it with gusto! A whole new world will open when you are kind to yourself first. Amazingly, others will start to respect you and show it more as well. Smile at yourself in the mirror and know that you are worthy of love!”

what are mixed feelings? As far as I know it is when you are not sure of your self or when you are confused. This is a very common everyday situation for most humans. Look at the moment when you are about to have that new haircut you have been longing to take or when you are about to go out on your first date or when you are about deliver youre child or when you are moving over to youre inlaws, aren’t theses situation when you have mixed feelings.

Even when we are in a realtionship with the most amazing person, the person we are head over heels in love, why do we doubt that if it is truly love? why do we have this feeling that it might be lust not love? How ever much he tells you that he loves you why do we doubt it? I know, I might sound crazy but it does happen……. and I don’t know why.

Once we get married we start having mixed feelings on other issues. Some where down the line we meet this special some one…. and we start having mixed feelings. And we strongly tell our selves that we love our husbands or wives. How many of you have come across men and women who have affairs and say that they love their husband or  wife? A lot…. so how can you be in love with 2 people? Is it possible? Suppose you love two people, can it be equal? Don’t think so! Even during these situation we start having mixed feelings…..Am I happily married? If I am how can some one else be on my mind 24/7?

After all this I am having mixed feelings…. why am I writing this? why am I so confused?  well it’s supposed to be something very common… so I don’t need to worry….