A daughter first…..
Today I am blessed with the two most beautiful and the most wonderful daughters. There is nothing more I can ask for. I have hopes and dreams for them. Being a mother you want them to become great mother’s one day, Insha Allah….
As for me I am a daughter myself. I am trying hard to give my daughters what I did not get as a daughter. I did not have a close relation with my mother. I was afraid to tell her anything. Today while lying down I tried to remember good memories of my child hood and I could not recall anything I did with my mother, other than going out for a walk around the marine drive. I have always had a hard time with my mom. For the past 20years I have been confronting with my mom, trying to come to terms with her over the only property I have, the house that was inherited to me from my father. This has been a never ending battle for me and I have always, till today been giving in cause she is my mother. I rarely talk to her and things are always easy as long as I don’t bring up the topic of the house. This has created such a distance between us. Whenever I talk about it she would tell me to let her stay there until she dies, but who knows who would die first. The major problem is that she does not trust me. She feels that if she moves out from the house I would not let her in…..How can I convince her that all I am trying to do is to give a home for my kids. She doesn’t trust me when I tell her that she could move in once the house is built. With her living there I cannot do it.
Living in a rented apartment after renting out whatever is available from my home, I am living happily and comfortably with my kids. But one day I want to move into my own house. The place where I grew up in, though there aren’t any sweet memories attached to it.
I want my kids to have a home which they can call their own when they get married. I want my dream home………..Gosh! I am getting old…I don’t grow any younger…..I want to live in my own home…I just hope that my mom would come to her senses soon and give in…Every day I wait impatiently to a call from her telling me to get an apartment for her so that I can start work….I have waited all these years..I’ll wait…After all she is my mother…Though I do not talk to her often or see her often I care about her and wants her to be happy….
Aminath............ said,
May 10, 2009 at 4:11 pm
“Paradise lies at the foot of the mother.”
When asked whom we should love most prophet pbuh said
“your mother” who next
“your mother.’ who next
“Your mother.” and
then your father………..
May you learn to see the good in your mother despite whats happening…..
and hope you n ur family get to live in your “own house” soon, insha Allah……..
and I am sure you will be a v good mother…..insha Allah……..:-)
mother said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:35 am
some advice for a mother …
link:
http://www.dharus.com/videoonlineplayer.php?filegenan=http://www.dharus.com/videodharusen/Khalid%20Yasin/Khalid%20Yasin%20-%20Some%20Advice%20to%20the%20Muslim%20Women.flv&videotitle=Khalid%20Yasin%20-%20Some%20Advice%20to%20the%20Muslim%20Women
http://www.dharus.com/videodharusen/Khalid%20Yasin/index.php
Sad but True said,
May 11, 2009 at 11:55 am
HI Kamanaa. This is a very interesting read. One of the first on the issue that I’ve come across on the blogosphere. Your mother’s stance is that of a very typical one. Let me tell you my understanding of it.
Historically in the Maldives, relationships are mostly based on somewhat arranged marriages, survival lines and least on real love. You might find your clue where your parents relationship started. It is a typical insurance line authoritative parents take. They shut off so that they cannot be discussed. In such cases, fear is muddled and confused with respect so that the child will not question.
@ Aminath… Sorry I beg to differ. Please don’t use the prophet’s (saw) hadithes out of context. I have come across mothers who practice, aid and even abet incestuous abuse using that Hadhith, to justify the superiority of the mother. Here, please note that children are an “amaanaaiy” given to parents by God. They have a huge obligation and that does not include doing things unfairly. If like in this case, the parents had had followed the law of God, Kamanaa would have had a better relationship with the mother.
Why they go quiet is just because they don’t have any logical or legal explanation for the situation. It is one that could easily be broken by pro-action. Until then, they will be behave the same. It is mere psychology, not related to superiority of mothers… sorry mothers
Well wishes and prayers for you, Kamanaa.
ummfathima said,
May 14, 2009 at 4:38 am
ROLE OF PARENTS TOWARDS THEIR CHILDREN
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The success or failure of the Muslim in raising his children depends on a variety of factors, which undoubtedly includes the environment in which they live, which plays a major role in the success or failure of that upbringing.
Secondly:
The parents have to understand that Allaah has given them responsibility over their children, and they have to fulfil the trust as Allaah has enjoined in the Qur’aan. The Sunnah also confirms this command in many saheeh ahaadeeth. The texts of the Revelation also warn the one who does not look after his flock sincerely and who neglects the trust with which Allaah has entrusted him.
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person whom Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.”
According to another report: “… and he is insincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6731) and Muslim (142).
Thirdly:
Allaah has enjoined those who are in charge of children to raise them from when they are very small to obey Allaah and love Islam. Even though they are not accountable because they have not reached puberty, one should not wait until puberty to teach them, guide them and tell them to obey Allaah, because in most cases at that age (i.e. puberty) they will not respond unless they have been brought up in this manner and have learned it from their families since a young age. Hence parents are enjoined to teach young children how to pray from the age of seven and to smack them if they do not pray when they are ten. The Sahaabah used to make their young children fast, so as to get them used to loving Islam and its rituals, so that it would be easy for them to follow its commands and keep away from the things it forbids when they grow up.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.” Abu Dawood (495), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh ibn ‘Afra’ said: On the morning of ‘Ashoora’, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansaar around Madeenah, saying: “Whoever started the day fasting, let him complete his fast, and whoever started the day not fasting, let him complete the rest of the day (without food).”
After that, we used to fast on this day, and we would make our children fast too, even the little ones in sha Allaah. We would make them toys out of wool, and if one of them cried for food, we would give (that toy) to him until it was time to break the fast.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1960) and Muslim (1136).
Just as they raise them to do acts of worship, they should also prevent them from doing haraam things. If the child does an act of worship, the reward will be for him and for the one who taught him and encouraged him to do it. As for doing acts of disobedience or sins, the minor does not sin, rather the one who enabled him to do it and left the door open for him to do it and did not close it, is sinning. As for the one who tells him to do it, he is like the one who did it.
Hence it is not something extreme at all if a Muslim raises his children to obey Allaah and prevents them from doing haraam things, such as males wearing gold or silk, or females wearing male clothing, or lying, stealing, swearing and other sins. Similarly, it is not something extreme if a Muslim raises his daughter to be modest and chaste and not to mix, because if a person gets used to something when he is young, there is the fear that he may persist in it.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Even though the child is not accountable, his guardian is, and it is not permissible for him to enable him to do something haraam, for he will get used to it and it will be difficult to wean him from it.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood (p. 162).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The one who neglects to teach his child that which will benefit him and leaves him with no care has done a very bad deed. The corruption of most children is due to their parents and their neglect of (their children), because they neglect to teach them the obligations and Sunnahs of Islam. So they neglected them when they were small, and (the children) turned out unable to benefit themselves or to benefit their parents when they are old.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood, p. 229
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
With regard to my small children, should I teach them the etiquette of Islam and make the young girls wear Islamic clothes, or this regarded as extremism? If my doing this is correct, what is the evidence for it from the Qur’aan and Sunnah?
They replied:
What you have mentioned about making girls wear loose and concealing clothing and making them get used to that from a young age is not extremism, rather you are doing the right thing in giving them an Islamic upbringing.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/285, 286).
In his book Majmoo’ah As’ilah Tuhimm al-Usrah al-Muslimah, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The scholars say that it is haraam to dress a child in clothes that it is haraam for an adult to wear. Clothing on which there are images is haraam for an adult to wear, so it is also haraam for a child to wear it.
What the Muslims should do is to boycott such clothes and shoes so that those who want to spread evil and corruption will not be able to reach us by these means. If they are boycotted they will never find a way to make them reach this land.
After that, he was asked:
Is it permissible for male children to wear things that are only for females, such as gold and silk, etc, and vice versa?
He replied:
This is to be understood from the first answer. I said that the scholars say that it is haraam to dress a child in clothes that it is haraam for an adult to wear. Based on this, it is haraam to dress male children in that which is only for females, and vice versa.
After that, he was asked:
Does this include isbaal or making clothes come below the ankles for male children?
He replied:
Yes, it includes that. End quote.
And Allaah knows best.
elbie said,
May 27, 2009 at 9:31 pm
hey dear… after such a loooong time i got to read it…
really touching ingay.. i guess its the hardest thing of all when we have to confront our parents and fight for anything we believe is our right to fight for.
Parents are always protective, always try to do the best they know how to do… maybe they are not the best and we learn from their mistakes to be better parents to our kids. But god knows we can never be perfect.
I am sure your dreams will come true someday, and insha allah soon. But most of all I believe which ever dream you have, you can always work for it, but the most important thing is you to be happy.
Achieving dreams is not the road to happiness, but living the moment and doing what makes you happy each day, each moment and cherishing the gift of life given to you by god is, true HAPPINESS,
I believe that your blessed with a reason to live your life…
and knowing you, i don’t think you’ll give up!
all the best and my support is always with you
Tiger lily said,
June 15, 2009 at 2:59 pm
HI Kaman,I thought ur post was very touching and sad. I know it takes a lot to courage to say this kind of truth. Perhaps you need to try harder to gain her trust, i cannot believe your mother does what she is doing just for the sake of giving a hard time. she needs to feel secure now that she’ s old.I am not been blind to the fact how it it must have hurt your feeling. Its never too late to bond with your mother. When my grandmother is mad at my mom. I have seen her sitting at grandmother’s feet, trying to talk to her.
ANywasys
good luck with ur dream house!